Thursday, September 3, 2009

The Path is Set

Reaching out for something to hang on to. Something that provides security in the storm. In the midst of all the pain I have been enduring for the past week my emotions run wild. When Peter walked on the water toward Jesus he at first looked at the Lord, but then he looked down at the waves and started sinking. He immediately called out to Jesus and the Lord grabbed Peter's hand.

The past few days I have felt I am in a storm and I have been focused on the waves. I have been praying and seeking the Lord's guidance, but trying to hang on to something I shouldn't. Finally, my husband said to me, "You are seeking security in a man." (meaning my bowel doctor). It was then that things became clear. My doctor is not the one that can lift me, only God can do that. So together my husband and I have decided to cancel the colonoscopy. I am going to seek security in God.

You see, my bowel doctor has already told me that he is not sure that he can help me. He wants to, but he doesn't know endometriosis. So that means I need to go back to my endometriosis doctor. The path has been leading that way, I just have not wanted to go down it. Why? Simply because I have wanted to believe that this disease is gone, but I can no longer deny it. The path is set before me, I need to be obedient and walk down it. To be honest, I am afraid.


Sue said...

Dear Becky, I will pray that God will give you His perfect peace, and remove the fear from your heart by His perfect love. Thank you for sharing your struggles.

Becky said...

Thank you sweet Sue!