Monday, January 4, 2010

Unspoken things...

So much is going on in my life right now that it has become overwhelming. One thing that I have not spoken much of lately is my health.  I am just going to be blunt, I am in bad pain.  The one thing that PT has made better is the nausea attacks, they have lessened, but the pain, that is worse.  Right now I am in such bad pain I can't think straight. It hurts to eat anything and my colon is not eliminating normally.  I fear that I am becoming a bit anorexic in the sense that I feel guilty for eating.  I tend to eat light and sometimes skip meals because of the pain.

The other thing that is bothering me is that next week I am going to have a procedure done.  A doctor is going to inject some medicine into my long vertical scar and then my PT is going to be yanking and pulling on it in an effort to losen scar tissue.  To put it mildly I am afraid.  The medicine is to help lessen the pain, but she has pulled on it a bit without meds and I nearly passed out.  I have had things go wrong and so every procedure that I submit to is a big deal for me.  Tears are flowing now, I have kept this bottled up for so long. I am trying to trust the Lord, but its really hard sometimes.  As long as I keep marching forward despite the fear I hope to bring glory to His name.

2 comments:

Cherie said...

Oh Becky. Im so sorry that you are not feeling well at all but I have also learned that each time something is thrown at you, you rise above it and find a way. If you can evoke such emotions from me, a stranger to you in another state just imagine what our father in heaven is feeling with you right now as well. He is saying "I am here with you, even through the pain". My prayers are with you.

outdoor.mom said...

Oh you poor dear!! I am so so sorry you are going through this right now. I am wondering if the stress of all the changes is contributing to these troubles. I will be praying that God will give you perfect peace as your mind is stayed on Him. Also I will pray Isiah 53 and 1 Peter 2 :24 over you :-) In the morning, we'll pray as a family for you too.
God is bigger than this agony. He can and will take care of you. Focus your energies on deepening your walk with Him. Get into His presence and let His Shadow (in Psalm 91) ride you through this storm. I am believing God for a miracle for you. He is big enough to heal your body and take all your tears away.