Closed Doors

Today I went to see my bowel doctor. He is a very nice man and I like him. Last time I saw him he told me that he might have to take a look inside if I am not getting any relief. Well, today I told him that some of the intense pain I was having is better, but I am still having issues. He told me that unless he finds something on a scan he is not going to look inside. He said he is too afraid that he will make me worse instead of better. He said that I have to live the way I am unless I can find someone else that is willing to help me. I told him that I have pretty much decided that the problem is not going to go away on its own. He then suggested that I have another CT scan done, but he said unless I am having one of my flare ups the day of the scan it probably won't show anything. He signed me up for the scan, but I am wondering if I should even go through with it. Since the appointment I have been upset and crying.

I know there is something wrong in there because I cannot gain weight. By now I should be weighing more than I do and I don't because I can't eat enough to gain. Eating causes pain that is all there is to it. At times it feels like the circulation is being cut off and still other times it feels like the food is getting hung up. Other days I have queeziness that lasts all day long.

My endometriosis doctor (who is not close by) said that he is willing to take a look at the spot that I am complaining of. The only draw back being that having surgery away from home is harder to organize and the doors are not open right now. I know that the Lord is in control of my life, but I fear He does not have healing for me.