By Faith

I had been feeling nausea off and on for a couple of weeks, but today I noticed I have not been having nausea. Mark tells me not to get too excited because it may come back. I know he is right, but I am thankful for the break. Brandon was complaining of having nausea, then one night he got very ill and vomited. Thankfully he was better the next day. I still have a cold in my head and trouble with my throat. Along with that, I have been adding more fiber to my diet as my doctor asked me to do. I had half a bowl of steamed veggies for lunch on Friday and had pain. Today I tried Benefiber. It went down okay, but tonight I am having troubles.

Mark called and made the appointment for the Barium enema test. I have to fast on a liquid diet for 2 days and take a special laxative. I am not looking forward to it, especially with me weighing only 102 to 104 lbs. Mostly worry about the pain of it all. Mark said he will go on a liquid diet too (he needs to lose weight). I am so thankful that he is willing to do that for me.

We talked about our finances, we usually do after the holidays. We are hanging on for now, but private school is expensive (even when it is half homeschooling). I am wondering how long we can hang on. It is going to be more expensive for us next year due to how many classes Eric will be taking. Plus, Christmas left us with a deficit due to hospital bills. We remain prayerful.

Emotionally, I am having difficulty. It is humbling to admit it. I worry that I am not a good Christian because I am struggling. It has been a very long journey with my health and I am growing weary. Simply said, I want to be well for my family, I don't want to burden them anymore. I am much better as far as endometriosis goes, which I praise God for, but the bowel issues are hard especially since last year with the colostomy my bowels were working great. Better than they had in many years and it was a blessing I wanted to keep. I did not want to submit to reconnection surgery because I knew there was a chance it would cause me some new issues. But I sought the Lord's will and I believe it pointed to reconnection. So I laid down my gem for Him. Because there is so much scar tissue inside my body from all the sepsis, peritonitis, endometriosis and surgeries there may be no way to make it better. But then God has done miracles in my life before and I have to remember that. I just keep trying to follow Him.

Be still, my soul: the Lord is on thy side;
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain;
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In every change He faithful will remain.

~Von Schlegel