My Sons

This is my favorite picture on a Christmas morning. Hello all, for some reason I feel compelled to write about my sons. I have attempted to write about parenting my boys a few times before, only to delete the post. When I could not have children of my own I turned to adoption. Mark and I prayed and we both felt strongly lead to adopt from the county Social Services Agency that I had worked for. One of my jobs was to type the roster for the children's home and I even visited it a few times. Children in the county system have issues; some are born addicted to drugs, some have behavior issues, and others have development problems, etc.

Mark and I went through training to be foster parents and waited for a match. However, nothing can fully prepare you for what you are getting in to. Our day finally came and we received two special needs children into our home. Both of our boys have RAD (Reactive Attachment Disorder) which is no piece of cake to deal with. I knew I did not have what it takes to parent these boys and told the Lord so. It was in obedience to Him that I stepped out and told the social worker I would adopt them.

The thing about RAD children is they are defiant regardless of consequences. They can easily take on the victim role. This makes parenting difficult. Have you held a small child in your arms only to have them spit in your face? Or kick you in the back of your head? Even so, the Lord blessed me and I have develop an attachment with both of my boys. My parenting is backwards from normal though. RAD children tend to be destructive to themselves. As a result I have given my children good things regardless of their behavior. I know this sounds very odd, but I tell them that I am doing it because I love them. It is based on me, not on them. I let them know they do not deserve it because of their behavior, but because I love them. This has healed some wounds.

We knew of another couple that took in a foster girl with RAD and wanted to adopt her. They loved her and worked with her. They took the opposite parenting technique from us. Discipline was heavy at their house. They said they were standing on God's principles and the child needed to conform. The girl never saw the point of it and she felt victimized and unloved. The relationship grew hostile, till one day the girl ran away. She was picked up by Social Services and she told her social worker that she did not want to return to her foster parents. She said they were mean and she hated them. The couple was heart broken. They repeatedly tried to re-establish contact with her, but the girl refused it.

My boys are good boys, they do not smoke, drink or do drugs. They do not slip out at night. We are blessed that they actually enjoy spending time with us. Often times I get discouraged, hurt, impatient, or worn down by their defiant behaviors as any normal parent does. When I do I try to think about the Lord and how He has been so loving and kind to me even when I have not responded the way I should. This helps me to continue to pursue patience with my sons. There are times when my sons do obey my direction and these are huge accomplishments, but then they backslide and ground must be regained. Some areas are untouchable it seems, behaviors are not easily parted with and remain a Rubik's cube.

When I had my near death experience in 2007, the Lord made it very clear to me that I was healed from sepsis to continue on with my work with the sons He gave me. I was impressed with the knowledge that the Lord deems my work important. So I continue to be here for my sons as the Lord has directed. Rebels that they are, I encourage them to rebel for the right reasons not the wrong ones. If you feel led of the Lord, please say a prayer for my sons, that they would give their full heart to Jesus and trust Him. Thank you!